I am myself again....

Its been a while - a year to the day, in fact, since I wrote here.

Its funny though, because I think it might be the very thing that I'm struggling with that might be helpful to you also.

I was brought up a Christian, and have absorbed so much of being a Christian, and doing "church", that I did it for so many years, unthinking.

As I grew up, much of what I was taught seemed not to be true, or at least unverifiable. As a scientist, for instance, I look for evidence. There is overwhelming evidence for evolution, for instance, so I buy into almost all of that theory. It makes sense, and still is clearly happening today. Theories of planets, the age of the universe, quantum theory, its all there to be examined.

What of my faith, then? After reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, I probably came as close to being an out-and-out a-theist as ever I have been, but something doesn't ring true there either. Its the certainty of it all. I am not certain there is a God. I am also not certain there isn't. Not because of creation, or miracles, or anything but grace.

What do I mean by grace? I mean the chance happenings of conversations, reminders and things stumbled upon that bring hope, life and direction. They are, like I said a while ago, like the plants growing out of the concrete. Those plants are massive now, and they flourish in desert conditions.

If you are sat alone and no-one has come to visit; if you have prayed for a miracle, and it just didn't come; if the words "if only" ring around your head because of things that could have been, look up - there *is* still hope, there *is* still grace - unmerited favour and provision in this life.

And even if its not from a supreme being, God, it is still worth grasping with all of your heart and mind and soul and strength - if its good, and life-affirming, and if it gives you hope, grab on to it in whatever form it comes, and perhaps share its arrival with others too - maybe on a blog like this - so that they can be encouraged to keep holding on.

God, the weatherman?

"God was so good to us that the rain stopped when we arrived at the beach, and started up again after a wonderful day out, just as we were getting into the car"...

These were the words I heard. That seemed like such a wonderful thing to report. Then I thought about why was it raining at all, and was it warm enough for them? Did God not grace them with a whole week of sunshine?

And what about Hurricane Katrina that caused so much destruction in the states - Was that God too? You see, if its not OK to say "God sent the Hurricane", its not OK to say "God gave us good weather".

Or, is it the case that God gives good weather and the Evil one stirs up the bad stuff? Perhaps God is no longer playing Chess with the Devil (see "Spanish Train", by CdeB), but is now in a struggle for the climate. As each new weather catastrophe appears, God stamps it out, like some divine game of 'whack-a-mole', spreading rays of sunshine when he's done. You see how silly this is all getting?

So if you're going to credit God with your sunny day, your free parking space, your lottery win, or whatever else, make sure you remember to praise him in church on Sunday for the whole picture, for the cancers, catastrophes and cold snaps.

Credit where credit's due.....

Don't Blame Britney

Have you seen the recent news that Britney Spears has hit hard times (..again, oops)?
Its upsetting because there are children involved, and its easy to judge when you are at a distance, not knowing the circumstances that have built up to this point..

Like other children that become famous early, theirs is not a normal life. And in some way, we are to blame. If you've bought the single, watched the school-girl-sexual-fantasy-video that was "Hit me baby one more time", or listened / watched to news about Brtiney, then you have, in some way, contributed to her fame, and therefore her problems.

Like Ricky Gervais' criticism of celebrity in the final episode of Extras - we are are to blame, for Britney, for Michael Jackson, for every celebrity that falls down, we have probably had a hand in helping them up there in the first place....

What's the matter?

I was listening to a recent "In our time" broadcast about anti-matter, and the current thinking about the universe. It seems that anti-matter and matter have this constant battle going, and they exterminate each other, converting to energy. This energy then converts to matter / anti-matter, and the cycle begins again...

..except for one difference. The matter, it seems, is quicker on the draw, and slightly (1 in about 10000000000 times) outguns the anti-matter. This means that there is a little bit of matter "left over" - the walking wounded, so to speak..

And that, aparently, is what all the matter in the universe is - the residue of a monumental war.

So if you were struggling with how insignificant you feel in the scale of the universe, its nothing compared to how all the matter in the whole universe feels - like the scraped-in-the-bin left-overs of a huge Christmas dinner - cold gravy, half-chewed brussle-sprout remains with not even a hint of cranberry sauce...

The warm sun on my face...

It's time to slow down

Perhaps its a natural reaction to growing old, but I'm starting to try and slow down.

Every day, if I'm not careful, I'll miss those moments that treasured memories are made of - times of tummy-rolling laughter, of a slow walk in the autumn leaves, time spent playing games with my children, big hugs, and gentle words.

I remember when I was 10, feeling the sun's warmth on my face, and just staring at the pavement for what seemed like ages. The cracks on the pavement had formed intricate patterns, dusted in places like a fine artist's strokes.

Now the path is simply a means to get to work, get things done, home again and more things to do.

There's always stuff to do, always..

Now, when I feel the sun on my face, I use its memory from all those years ago to remind me to slow down, relax, and remember to make more of those special moments with friends and family.

What are you waiting for?

Sit or stand still for a moment - can you feel it?

The earth that we are on is spinning 1000s of miles a second, and yet we feel "still". The truth is, we are all hurtling towards the end of our lives every moment. We live in an illusion that there's time to do everything we want to, always looking forward to the next big thing...

Do you have that constant sense of "something's coming"?

You might be anticipating a birthday, a holiday, a phonecall, a meal or meeting with some friends.

Think of all the times during the day where you find yourself projecting forward to the "next thing"....

Its NOW that requires your full attention. Life isn't about to start, its well underway, even if it feels like you're standing still....

The "lion's share".

I've heard this phrase about six times in the last couple of weeks. She uses the lion's share of the money, he does the lion's share of the work, etc..

I looked up what it meant on my friend "Wikipedia", and it has its roots in Aesop's fables.

The lion, in this story, ends up getting all of the food, despite sharing the effort to catch it with other animals.

How true this is, in modern life, where overbearing, loud and confident people seem to get on, while others get "the donkey's share" : most of the painful work, with little reward.

Have I got a snippet of humour to lighten your load? A witty comment to make it all seem worthwhile?

Hell, no.